Sunday, March 5, 2017


“Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand.”                                                                                ― Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit            

I relate to this bunny. We have some similarities. I saw him in a thrift store and looked into his one good pink eye and knew we were destined to be together. He is broken, tattered around the edges but still looks appealing enough to be loved by someone. 

This year hasn’t started out so well. The hope was that I would return to work in February and keep moving toward a more normal life. Unfortunately, I have been admitted twice into the hospital in January due to a gastrointestinal ailment caused (probably...maybe) by the radiation I had last summer for cancer. It took care of the cancer but left me with this condition that will (probably…maybe) stay with me for the rest of my life. I won’t go into ghastly details but I will say when I have a flare up (two to three times per week) I am reminded of the movie, The Exorcist (including the split-pea soup.) The attacks are random and harsh. So to return to work would be difficult. Alas, I am here again wondering and worrying about my future.

Yes, I am angry, frustrated and fearful. But, at times, I am also so grateful for the people in my life who still love me despite me being broken and tattered. Every day I search for new ways to find peace with the way things are and every once in a while, I find it.