Aunt Gwen

This is my aunt, Margaret Gwendolyn Buchanan Ethridge. She is my mother's older sister. I have written a few stories about her on the blog because she is my favorite aunt. She lived close by when I was growing up so I saw her often. In many ways she was my second mother.

 She has been in a nursing home for 9 years suffering from Alzheimer's. I really lost her years ago because she had forgotten who I was.  I  visited her every time I went to Florida. The last few times I visited she had become almost unrecognizable and we all knew she wouldn't live much longer. We were told on Thursday of this week she would probably die in the next few days or even hours. She has forgotten how to swallow and weighs about 79lbs. My sister went to see her and said her breathing was very labored and expected her to pass away that day but so far she hasn't. Of course we are sad, but I also feel a sense of relief she won't be in distress anymore.

The Aunt Gwen I knew was always cheerful, kind, beautiful with a gorgeous laugh which made me feel loved, accepted and happy. I'm sure there were other sides to her I didn't know about and, frankly, don't want to know because I want my memories of her to stay pristine, not sullied with tales of woe. Maybe that's selfish of me but she will be gone soon and I don't need to know the sorrowful, gloomy parts. Her illness and what it did to her has been enough. Parts of her childhood were bleak, but she escaped from her previous life. What I knew of her life seemed idyllic, and I want it to stay that way. I do remember the last time she recognized me before she went to the nursing home. She took my face in her hands, kissed me, and told me how beautiful I was and how much she loved me. Then she told me she couldn't remember my name but she knew who I was. I could tell from the look in her eyes that she did.

Aunt Gwen was the one that introduced tuna noodle casserole to our family. She would often invite me over for dinner when she fixed it because she knew it was my favorite food. On one visit I put my face too close to the hot dish when it came out of the oven to get a good sniff of all its cheesiness, and burnt my lip on the dish. I remember her being concerned about me, not laughing at me, and treating the burn with aloe vera. Later, of course, it became a funny story about me and my love for tuna noodle casserole and I was teased about it but when it happened she cared for me lovingly.

I only caught Aunt Gwen in one lie. I was staying with her for a few days when my mom was out of town. I was hungry and asked her for something to eat. She explained we didn't have time because we had to go pick up my sister from school, and I would have to eat later. Then she ran back inside to get her purse and keys. When she returned I noticed a strong scent of peanut butter. It made me even hungrier.  I asked her why she smelled of peanut butter and she told me it was a new perfume. I believed her for a few years then realized she must have grabbed a spoonful of peanut butter, but didn't want me to know since she had just told me I had to wait. It was another incident that became part of our family funny stories, and I would often tease her about perfumes that smell like peanut butter.

We joined a health club together and exercised several times a week. I told her about my first experience trying alcohol and she told me about trying margaritas for the first time. She loved it but was so embarrassed when she got home and looked into a mirror and she had salt on her nose which had probably been there all evening. I loved spending that time with her.

Aunt Gwen's house was a safe refuge at various times in my life. It was there that I learned about John Kennedy's assassination. My mother and sister were there too and it felt comforting for all of us to be together. Another time I was walking to school past her house when a bully from my class crossed over to where I was to rub his hand between my legs. Several of his friends were watching and it was a great joke to them. With my heart pounding I ran into Aunt Gwen's house to get away from them. She listened as I told her about what happened and told me I had to tell my teacher when I got to school. Then she drove me the rest of the way to school in order to avoid them but I think they ran away when they saw me go into her house.

Aunt Gwen's daughters were my role models as I grew up. They used to let me hang out with them while they got ready for dates. And when the dates brought them home I would sneak a peek of them out on the porch that I could see from their living room window. Thus I learned about kissing and making out from them too. Aunt Gwen's husband, Uncle Gene, was also someone I loved dearly. He always seemed happy to see me when I came over. He used to pull splinters out of my hands and when he removed it he would then rub it into my hair because he said it wouldn't come back if he did that. After he died and she found out she had Alzheimer's she would talk to him as if he were there and set a place for him at the dining table. They always seemed like a happy couple who really enjoyed each other. I don't know of any troubles they had, and I want that to stay that way as well.  Ignorance is bliss.

We just got the news that Aunt Gwen is gone now. She died this afternoon. I'm sure there are more memories that will comfort me in this time of grief and sadness. And I will be comforted too by the fact that she is now at peace.