chemo seats

These are the chairs they provide for family who come to chemo with their cancer patients. Not very comfortable but the comfort of being there for the patients is immeasurable. This last week at chemo I was the last person to finish because I had two poisons to be pumped in and the others just had one. Just my lucky week.  So I sat alone in the chemo lab...slept some, took phone pics, and then thought a lot.  Change is the end result of all true learning. (Leo Buscaglia).  I want to learn from this experience and I certainly want to change.  I think I see small changes occurring. I am more grateful for things than I was in the past. Little things mean so much. When you are facing a serious illness it has to change you, doesn't it?

There is a blood test we get every three weeks. The magic number of it is what we all wait anxiously to see.  Mine is in the normal range indicating I am in remission. But the results of the last two tests have shown a slight increase...but it is still in the normal range. Of course, I worry and obsess.  I don't like the trend.  I am waiting now for a call from the oncologist to see if he wants to do a scan to make sure the cancer isn't growing back despite the chemo treatments. Not a calming thought at all.

In between treatments life continues as it has the past few months. Reading, watching movies, knitting, walks when the weather permits, some light yoga, errands, lots of time on the internet, precious time with my husband, visits from my sister, love and encouragement from friends. There are of course some physical drawbacks from the chemo but they have not been as bad as I had imagined when all this started. I have five more to go then I will return to work with wig and/or hats and finish out the year with my students.  And this summer I will recover. This is all assuming the cancer is gone. I am going to hold on to that assumption and work toward healing....emotionally and physically.